Done

Done

The thoughts are loud today.

Have I caused harm? They say. 

You probably can’t tell

But my mind feels like hell.

The colour red haunts me,

When will I be free? 

I can’t do this anymore.

Death is knocking on my door.

I truly believe dying is better,

But there is a quiet voice screaming ‘don’t let her.’ 

I’m really trying to be strong.

But the voice inside my head reminds me I’m constantly wrong.

Please get me out of this nightmare.

I’m wondering if there is anyone who actually does care. 

Have I done something I shouldn’t have done?

This weight of OCD on my shoulder weighs a ton.

Anxiety is taking my life away, 

And hospital took away March, April and now May.

There is a price to pay when you are mentally ill.

It takes so much more energy than just taking a pill. 

I say I’m tired, but people don’t have a clue.

This craziness in my head, believe me, for me, it’s true. 

I’ve got to keep plodding on,

I’m screaming to myself ‘come-on!’

It’s never ever quiet in my mind,

But there is a peace that I’m longing to find. 

But where is it? I constantly ask.

I can no longer wear this mask.

It’s been too long,

Of trying to be strong.

Anxiety and OCD have ruined me.

Can’t you see? All I want is to be free.

If heaven is waiting, why stay here?

I can no longer live this life that is so full of fear.

Please, someone, just get me out of here.

Now. 

I can’t do this anymore. This is no fun.

I am well and truly and completely DONE.

Written by Steph Corris - 20th May 2019 - whilst inpatient