Professionals

 Professionals 

The knock at the door, the sound rages through me as I wait for another professional to claim they know my brain better than I do. The entry into the room, the walk into the room having made their decisions and assumptions about you just by reading your notes and not by actually listening. The sitting on the chair, the conversation that has played out in their heads but going off in a completely different direction than they thought it could. The leaning in, the accusations that you don’t really want to die and that every time you reach for help makes you a little less suicidal or your risk a little lower. The conclusion, decisions still not made, people still not being heard, listening but not actively listening, Mental health acts called, crisis teams refused. The end, everyone’s unhappy with the outcome. I want to be dead, they want me to “work with them.” So there is no happy ending to this story because I’m still waiting for what I want and them waiting for what they want.