Arms wrapped around me

Arms wrapped around me

I’m crippled by my diagnoses, GAD, OCD, BPD

They wrap their arms around me

depression, anxiety, fear

meaning I cannot move from here. 

I’m suffocating under the weight. 

Maybe this is just my fate?

But then I think maybe life introduced me to pain 

so I could know the power of God, even in the torrential rain. 

His power made perfect in my weakness, I pray

The holy book, the gift from God, the Bible does say

Life taught me a lesson whilst in the valley of the dark

That God, the one in control, even if I do, never loses His spark. 

The days go slowly by and I’m oh so aware that the struggle is real.

That the combination of emotions I’m facing are something not that many feel. 

They’re tearing me down, I’m crumbling under the pressure I swear. 

This whole thing, this disaster of a 2 years has been anything but fair. 

I’m stuck, I’m stuck in almost the same position fighting with all I’ve got.

Baby steps of progress, but no leaps, no bounds, am I even in the same spot?

There’s something stirring in my soul, a poem to be written, a song to be sung.

Little did I know this would be my future when I was young.

But there is one who did know, and has stuck by me throughout it all

God doesn’t step over me or leave me when I fall

He picks me up, dusts me off and kisses me on the head.

Through this desert, even when I didn’t realise, I was being led. 

The paranoia is getting at me, attacking me from every angle

The what ifs, the questions, the assumptions are wrapped around my neck, in a strangle. 

The feelings of abandonment, of rejection, of loneliness consume me

But none of this, on the outside, anyone can see.

I’m helpless & hopeless, all entwined into a big fat ball of mess. 

Even when I get a good sleep, or have a nap I’m nowhere near having a successful rest. 

There is a war, but the war it’s already been won

by the Messiah, Jesus, the resurrected one. 

He taught me how to fly, He taught me how to soar.

But now I need a reminder as I’m a crumpled heap on the floor. 

The battle wages on; but the war it’s been won. I’m sat here in the midst of a fight

where nothing, not even the constants in life, feel right.

I’m so close to breaking, in fact I’m already there.

For these burdens I carry I’ve never been able to share. 

Here I stand with support all around me but with little progress to show

In this game of life it’s all about what you do with what you know

I’ve been picked up and spat back out onto the ground.

With this large group of people, standing back, watching, all around. 

He’s the hope that can be found within the shadows when everything is dark.

I feel like I’ve been given so much to carry, but it wasn’t a blessing like with Noah and his ark. 

This can’t be from God I cry as I’m begging on my knees, make it stop. 

I promise I’m looking for the rainbow I say as the rain drops drop

But now I’m no longer crippled by my diagnoses, GAD, OCD, BPD

As I now know the God who wraps His arms around me